


Kisses

by Heather



Category: Angel: the Series
Genre: Comedy, F/F, First Kiss, Prompt Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-05-01
Updated: 2009-05-01
Packaged: 2017-10-08 03:57:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/72455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heather/pseuds/Heather





	Kisses

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mabus101](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=mabus101).



  
"Y'know, the biker goth look? Kinda stupid." Harmony said.

Illyria looked at her blankly. "Biker goth." She deadpanned, as if the phrase itself was stupid and furthermore, Harmony was stupid for even uttering it. Which was probably exactly what Smurfette was thinking, only in bigger words, with more syllables.

Harmony sighed, putting on her best air of patience. "I'm just saying. You're a tiny little woman and you look like you're trying to dress like a big, buff guy three times your size who happens to have no color sense and really emo make up."

Illyria made a face that Harmony was much more used to seeing Angel or Wesley make. Privately, she called it Migraine Face, 'cause it looked like they were getting a headache. (Publically, she called it Constipation Face, because who needs her male co-workers looking at her like that?)

"It's just not a good look." Harmony concluded, holding up her hands in "I surrender" position.

Illyria's head slowly tilted to one side, as if she was confused and mulling this over. "Is there a purpose to your observation?"

"Well, I could help you." Harmony said. "I mean, if you wanted to actually, like, look pretty." Harmony doubted that Illyria cared much about looking pretty- she used to be _Fred,_ after all, and it seemed pretty lame to expect an ancient demon god from The Land Before Time to prioritize her looks any more than a twentieth century demon hunting physicist had.

"Help me." Illyria echoed skeptically.

"Well, yeah." Harmony said defensively. "I could, like, take you shopping, do your hair, maybe put some make up on you." Harmony scrutinized her. "You are, like, the winter-y-est winter that ever wintered. So you really need colors that are, like, _super_ intense. Like yellow. And you are lucky, really, because you can pull off just regular plastic jewelry. Not a lot of beauty types can." Harmony herself was a spring, and while she got a much, much wider color palette for her clothes because of it, her best jewelry types were stones and metals. She couldn't wear anything cheap and cutely tacky. ("Cutely tacky" was a real category! Just most people called it something like "junque" or "kitsch.")

"Plastic." Illyria droned disbelievingly.

Harmony made a phlegmy, disgusted noise. "Are you just gonna repeat everything I say?"

Illyria paused. "I am... uncertain of the protocol for engaging in conversation of this ilk."

"Well, words like 'protocol' are gonna have to go." Harmony said. She made a face."You're so _stiff._ Don't you know how to act at least semi person-y?"

Illyria was getting Migraine Face again. "No."

Harmony made a Migraine Face of her own. "God, you are the world's weirdest social experiment in the making."

Illyria considered this. "I believe the term you desire is 'science experiment.'"

"Sure, that, you get." Harmony rolled her eyes. "Fred gave you that, but no taste in colors. That just figures."

Illyria looked at her consideringly. "You find this important."

"Well, yeah." Harmony said. "Duh. It's kinda how girls work, blueberry swirl." It suddenly occurred to Harmony to wonder if Illyria actually was a girl. Sure, she lived in Fred and _Fred_ was a girl, but Illyria actually might not be. Her Primordial title was "God King," after all, and Harmony was pretty sure those were both dude titles. "Hey, were you always a girl?"

Illyria looked at her like she was a bug. (Actually, Illyria was looking at her like she was rude and tactless, but to Harmony, it amounted to the same thing.)

Harmony chose to ignore the look and press on. "In your past life. Were you a chick then?"

After a beat, Illyria seemed to realize that Harmony wasn't going to let it go. "I was not."

"I _knew_ it!" Harmony said. "This explains _so_ much!" Harmony paused and looked at Illyria again. "So, wow. I guess that must be weird, having girl parts all of the sudden."

"Yes. Weird." Illyria said flatly. Harmony got the feeling that Illyria was being sarcastic.

"How come Knox made you a girl?" Harmony asked. "I mean, he got to pick, so..."

Illyria looked irritated. "Illyria sounds like a girl's name."

"You think so?" Harmony asked. She thought so, too, but Harmony thought a lot of names that weren't in English sounded like they were assigned to the wrong gender. Like Ilya and Etienne. And, she guessed, Illyria.

"Those were his words." Illyria elaborated impatiently. "Illyria sounds like a girl's name."

"Oh." Harmony said. "I guess that makes more sense." She sat quietly for a minute, mulling this over. Illyria was literally a guy in a girl's body. That _had_ to be weird, no matter what Illyria said. Though she guessed that it might be weirder to Illyria to have, like, arms and hands and stuff. Still. Harmony knew she would've found it weird if she came back from the dead one day with a penis. "Welcome back, Harm! Have a dick!" How could that _not_ be weird?

Harmony wondered if Illyria's genderswitch meant that she was gay now. Though she'd technically count as gay either way. If she was into guys now, she was basically a guy into guys. And if she was still into girls, she had girl parts of her own that made that pretty lesbo.

She wondered which kind of gay Illyria was, in that case.

"Are you into guys now?" Harmony asked.

Illyria blinked. While she didn't answer, her expression was basically, _Am I **what** now?_

"Do you like dudes?" Harmony asked, saying each word slowly, as if Illyria didn't speak English. She paused. "For sex," she added.

Illyria stared at her in profound annoyance. "I find no humans attractive, regardless of gender. And your sexual proclivities disgust me."

It was Harmony's turn to blink. "What's so gross about it?"

"You breed like you breathe." Illyria said, looking repulsed. "Constantly, and with no consideration for your surroundings."

"Oh, like you would be super polite mid-coitus." Harmony said, rolling her eyes. "Anyway, not all sex is breeding. sometimes, it's just for fun."

Illyria looked disgusted by the mere idea.

"It _is_ fun!" Harmony cried defensively. "It's all... mooshy and hot and sweaty." ...okay, put that way, she had to admit that it did sound pretty gross. "It just is, okay? Take my word for it."

Illyria didn't look convinced.

Harmony glared. "Have you even _tried_ sex yet?"

Illyria gave her a patented You Are Such A Fucking Dumb Ass look. "No."

"See? You can't knock it until you've tried it." Harmony said in a matter of fact tone of voice. "God. Have you even tried _kissing_ yet?"

"No." Illyria replied.

Harmony shook her head pityingly. "That? Is just totally and completely sad."

"I am curious how you are defining 'sad.'" Illyria said.

"It's just sad. You're all jaded and grossed out about sex and you've never even kissed anybody." Harmony said. "It makes me feel sorry for you."

Illyria considered this. "Kissing is important to you also."

"Totally!" Harmony enthused. "Kissing is one of the best things that human kind ever invented. I mean, I don't know how they came up with that, but whoever did gets two huge thumbs up and the Harmony Kendall seal of approval."

"I have observed humans kiss." Illyria said.

Harmony sighed in frustration and rolled her eyes. "Lemme guess. That looks gross to you, too."

"They appear to be attempting to devour one another." Illyria told her factually.

"So, in other words, yes." Harmony said. "_So_ sad." She lightly traced her fingers across the surface of her desk. "Kissing is nice. And really nothing like eating a person. Trust me, I'd know."

Illyria looked at her for a moment. She appeared to be thinking.

"Well, if you're not gonna want a make over, I gotta get back to work." Harmony said. She was being rather liberal with the definition of "work," as what she meant was go back to playing Celebrity Dress-up on her computer, but to anyone not looking directly over her shoulder, it'd look like work. She turned her chair slightly and looked back at her computer and put her iPod headphones in.

"Harmony." Illyria said suddenly.

Harmony popped her headphones back out. "What?"

Illyria leaned forward and kissed her.


End file.
